Educating Them

Teach them about FASD. This is to help them understand about their behaviors, confusion, and their need for help. Teach them about friends, about proper sexuality, and teach them the percentages. Use these notes to teach from. Let them listen to the CD of this lecture.

Teach them about “Friends.” “Friends” are people who help you to do good, to do the right thing. “Friends” help you to meet your goals in life. “Friends” are not people who get you to use alcohol or drugs, or get you to steal, be wild, lie, sneak, be crude, hurt people or things, or get you into trouble with the law.

Sexuality can be a very big problem, 60% get into trouble over sexual issues. It is their impulsiveness – their lack of self control that gets them into trouble. At the age of 13 they are often developmentally only 5. Teach them sex is for married couples only and in order to get married they have to be eligible. They must have a job and be able to keep it; they need a place to live, a life plan in place. Tell them sex is a wonderful thing for married couples. Tell them sex may feel good if they are not married but it can cause a lot of confusion and trouble. Then go forth and take care of their babies that they create either in or out of wedlock. We have explained to our children that if they have a baby out of wedlock it does not automatically mean we will raise it.

Teach them the percentages: 90% have mental health issues, 81% need assisted living, 79% can’t keep a job, 70% are victims of violence, 60% get in trouble with the law over sexual issues, 60% have disrupted school experiences, and 60% are either dead or incarcerated by the age of 30. You do not teach them these percentages to discourage them, but to teach them how important it is that they avoid these problems and how important it is for them to let you or someone help them.

They often need someone to help make decisions for them, to keep them on task, and to help them to have self-control. That person is sometimes referred to as an “External Brain.” We all have them; a boss, husband or wife, God, policeman, or friends. (Dishes) (A bowl of soup)

We also try to teach them to be their own external brain by using lists, structure, door alarms, or “Home Base.”

“Home Base” is very important; it is a table or place where the child must be at whenever they are not doing something else. At the table they can ask permission to do something else, talk in low voices, play games, read, do crafts, or do school assignments. The purpose of this is to teach them to “stop and think” about what they want to do, to be calm, and to get focused. As our kids are getting older they need this even more. Our middle teens need it more than our 7 years old. They have bigger bodies, and they think they can do more. For the ones we are using “Extreme Parenting” with they can only get permission to leave the table if they are with a PCA or an adult.

They need to understand about FASD so they can learn how to function with it. Understanding it can greatly improve their behaviors and their self esteem. We do not allow them to use FASD as an excuse. They need to understand that as they get older their life is going to be different: they need to understand that they will need assistance. It is unfair to them for you to let them think that they will not need help. (Lady in Arkansas)

So, teach them about FASD.

Don't get hung up on the statistics, use them to realize the severity of the problems that a person with FASD faces. Don't be discouraged by the statistics but instead be empowered to help. Take serious what you are up against.

Statistics can be very confusing. I was at a conference once where one of the speakers said that 60% are dead or in prison by the age of 30. I simply can not find where they got that number. I can find were it says that 60% over the age of 12 have been incarcerated for mental health, alcohol or drug rehab, or for crime. I can also find statistics that say 75% of males with FAE between the ages of 21 and 51 are incarcerated.

We know that many die early because of poor choices, because of medical reasons, and because of suicide. 23% attempt suicide, and 43% threaten suicide.
94% have mental health issues.

A person with FASD and their family are fighting very hard statistics. It is a fight worth doing.