Goal 1

First, understand that normal parenting techniques will not work. Persons with FASD have organic brain damage. The three most common characteristics of children with FASD are Impulsiveness, Lack of Self Control, and Confusion.
Be calm: As one parent/professional once told me, “The less I say and the calmer I say it, the more effective it is.” Not only is this true, but it is unhealthy for your child and it is unhealthy for you to yell very often. It creates an emotional gap between both of you. You want them to feel you are on their side. Being calm is more important than almost any issue.
De-escalation: All too often when a child with FASD thinks they are in trouble, their already fragile connectors in their brains go down, at that point all they can do is deny and escalate. Use a time out before you ever talk to them about what happened; this will give them time to calm down and let their brain stabilize. This is important with older kids too.
Look at “What Frustrates You.” Sometimes you have to just accept it. Most of the time you can find a solution if you can remain calm enough, long enough and keep trying different ideas. If you are seeking a solution, then there is hope, which is something you need.
If you think they are going to change, then you have a problem. You change their circumstances. You change their environment. Don’t set them up.
Telling the truth and not stealing are often very hard issues. They are issues that you need to teach to often. At the same time you need to understand that because of their FASD confusion, at times, they do not know the truth. In the FASD world we do not call it stealing, we call it “ownership issues.” It is often because of their impulsiveness that they take things. Often they do not even want what they take. Lock things up, remove the temptation.

You need to understand the difference between “Won’t vs.Can’t.” “Can’t” means they either do not have the ability, the drive, or the understanding to do something. “Won’t is defiance.” Keep in mind, knowledge or skills gained one day does not automatically mean they will know it the next.